They started dating since 2016, in the beginning things were okay he was a teacher and the lady in question was a student. He would give her transportation to school when she was short of cash. Though he didnt have he tried his best. The girl later relocated which was a distance, that didnt stop their love. The girl started work she would give the guy money, cook for him, clean do everything a for the man. He also landed a gud job. For the first month he gave the lady money for her hair. After he tried giving the lady money for her upkeep but the lady refused telling him he should save the money for the future since they were planning to get married. He bought a shoe, wig cap,and a dress for her, for his cousins wedding. They had set their wedding date on 23rd 2018.

Early 2018 he left his job which my friend was against but he said he was stressed and that he wanted to build his own company my friend had no choice than to support him. She would cook assorted dishes and buy food stuffs and send to him, she would shop buy cloths, undies, toothpaste, brush deodorant name it just so he wouldn’t feel bad for leaving the job, along the line my friends mum became sick she was admitted it was so serious she almost lost her life. Things became harder she could no longer support him. He never visited her mum at the hospital. Even her mum was brought home she had to complain severally before he came. He brought up the marriage my friend told him they should hold on cos financially both of them were not stable but he insisted he can take care of her, he could hardly feed himself at that time. My friend had goals of going back to school, due to her mums illness she channeled all her savings into her mums bills. Her boss was owing her she collected the money went to the market and bought all she needed for her kitchen when she gets married cos the guy had nothing.

Problems started coming up. He came home to see her mum for the marriage, her mum told him to go and bring his elders. Her mum prepared the list but the girl realized her man cant afford so she asked for them to reduce it and they did. After which she sent a copy to the guy. He asked what she would buy to support her. She told him nothing but she can support with the refreshment which they will share 50/50. They so she started buying her stuff. All of a sudden the guy said he want a court marriage. They should sign and come home but my friend also wanted a simple traditional wedding between just the 2 families and a few friends. They on Sunday go for blessing at their church. Initially he agreed but later refused saying its either the court wedding or no wedding. So my friend suggested they stop the traditional wedding and do strictly church wedding where they will serve only pastries and drinks. He agreed. He even wanted a particular girl as her maid of honour a girl they had serious misunderstanding about cos he was getting attched to her. He even told my friend that if not for her he would have married that lady. He told my friend either she becomes the maid of honour or no wedding and my friend to him then so be it. He didnt call her for days till my friend called to apologize to him.

Then he said its either the court wedding or no wedding my friend tried to reason with him for months till he agreed. We all spoke against the wedding cos the guy was giving my friends issues, she would cry often because the guy would say one thing or the other to hurt her. Despite everyone’s protect my friend still wanted to go ahead cos of love, till one Sunday morning 2 months to time he called her on phone and canceled the wedding for no reason. He said he needed space and time that they should put everything on hold. After which he blocked my friend families came in but he refused. My friend almost killed herself out of broken heart

We tried fixing new dates for her cos after a month she was still in her dark corner. The worst part was the rumors that started circulating some were so bad that she couldn’t stand it. She started drinking heavily it took much effort on her side and on our side as friends just to bring her out of her misery. Just when she was recovering he came back pleading again for my friend to accept him back. We spoke against it but my friend still loved him so he gave him a second chance in the middle of 2019. My friend gave him conditions that she would no longer put in effort lime she used to he would have to do the chasing and convince her parents that he’s worth it which he agreed. Early 2020 he started complaining that my friend wasn’t putting in effort and that if she’s tired she should just end it but my friend reminded him of the condition she gave him.

This time she was a totally different person. She would jump to defend herself anyx the man start to say things to hurt her she would retaliate. The guy didnt like that so he would complain but my friend would remind him how he used tell her she was too weak and that he wanted a lady who can defend herself. He wanted my friend to go back to how soft and foolish she was but she also couldnt cos the pain was too much for her. She kept reminding her of the past anyx he did something he used to do in the past. My friend tried to go back to who she was but she realized she couldn’t so told the guy to deal with the new her. In 2021 after the ups and down the fights the stress my friend finally had the opportunity to go back to school. The guy at that time wasn’t calling her regularly even when she was sick the first 2 days he called but stopped calling till she recovered. She had become used to it. She would make decisions without consulting the guy and later tell him he had no problem with it. So when she had the opportunity to go back to school she grabbed it. She payed half of her fees and later her dad payed the rest. She started classes the guy had still not sent her a message nor called so she angrily texted him. Then he started calling again to apologize. He even promised to pay half of the fees buy her books and calculator. She was happy cos he had started working about 2months.

My friend was so happy that finally thins were falling in place and that just as he support him when he was doing his degree he would also support her to achieve degree in nursing. As by standers we adviced her not to be too happy since the guy cannot be trusted but my friend won’t listen. She after a month of schooling her boss wouldn’t pay her so the little money she had on her was almost finished. It either she borrowed or stayed home. She fell sick she asked the guy for money to go to the hospital he told her he didnt have. But he came to visit spent the night there he fucked her, after soooo many months. She asked her to borrow money for her when she’s payed she would pay back but he said no cos he doesn’t like borrowing. So she borrowed from me which I gave her and accompanied her to the hospital. Well she got well but he never knew cos he stopped calling again. They continued. She asked about the fees and her book he told her that his sister is going to nursing school so he can’t sponsor her. My friend taught he was joking. He later told her that he has spent money on his land and he’s having issues .

After the sex they had my friends was feeling pain in her punani the place was swollen she taught it was just normal but after days she realized the place was sore and very very itchy. She didnt have money on her to go to the hospital nor go for class so she told the guy who said he also didnt have money. She was suffering so I spoke to a friend doctor who told me she had an infection so he prescribed medication for her. The guy didnt even bother later when my friend asked if she had slept with anyone else aside her or during their separation he said no. My friend couldn’t trust him again.

Now he has brought up the marriage issue again. He promised to wait for my friend to finish school but he said he can’t wait and that for 5years now anyx he brings up marriage my friends says he’s going to school. Currently as am chatting u my friend is crying cos he gave him an ultimatum to choose to wait for her to get her degree or wait till she’s in the third year before they can get married since he says he can finance her education by going for a loan. A loan that he refused to go for when my friend suggested they do years back for her to start a business. A loan he wouldn’t go for even when she’s sick but he says he will go for it after their marriage. Cos he doesn’t see where a relationship of 5years is headed. Now he’s blaming my friend for wasting his time for 5years now and he said he doesn’t have time on his hand so he wants to look for another girl and marry if my friend insists that she wants to finish her school. He said he can’t wait for another 3 or more years.

He is currently still living in his fathers house a single room. My friend told him to get an apartment so he moves he asked my friend if she would pay rent cos she said she doesn’t feel okay living in the same house with her in-law sharing the same kitchen bath house and he doesn’t have his privacy which he complains about. Now he’s also saying because my friend didnt consult him before starting her remedial classes he can’t help her. So my friend was asking me if shes right in letting him go or she’s wrong for choosing to pursue her dream of being a nurse. She has a text to write on Monday I don’t know how to console her. She’s 28years and the guy is 32years. Sorry for the long post

What advice do u think will be best for her cos I don’t want to tell her I told u so

By Fada

Fada is a social entrepreneur, educator, writer, and tech geek.

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